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Beyond “I Regret to Inform You”

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This is the third in a series of blog posts related to correspondence in Veterans History Project collections.

Black and white photo of man standing outside building.  Man is in full military uniform and leaning on post.
Jose Mares, Fort Lewis, WA, c. 1950. Jose Mares Collection, Veterans History Project, AFC2001/001/6059.

Not long after I started working at the Veterans History Project (VHP), I came across a collection that immediately mesmerized me. Pertaining to Army Corporal Jose Mares, who became a prisoner of war during the Korean War, it includes five telegrams that were sent to his parents by the Army. These telegrams frame Mares’ experience from the time he went missing in action until his return to the United States, and I find them profoundly moving. I can’t get over how these five small sheets of paper, with their pasted-on words and standardized language, would have affected their recipients. In the progression of these telegrams, I envision the anguish his parents must have felt upon reading that their son was missing in action, and then nearly a year later, receiving the message that he was considered a prisoner of war. Then, I picture them reading the telegram announcing his liberation, and I imagine their joy after enduring nearly three years of the unknown.

With Mares’ collection in mind, it seems that no discussion of VHP correspondence would be complete without a look at the telegram. In this era of texts, instant messages, and email, it is hard to imagine a time in which the humble telegram–with words painstakingly typed, cut out, and then pasted by hand to a sheet of paper– could be the fastest, cheapest, and most reliable way to communicate.

During World War II, Korea, and Vietnam, the military employed Western Union to communicate official notifications to the families of servicemembers. This included letting loved ones know that their relative was missing in action, or had been taken prisoner, wounded, or killed in action. With limits on how many words a telegram could accommodate, the military adopted distinct standardized phrasing to convey the news; hence, the common chilling phrase “I regret to inform you…”

Typed out telegram.
Telegram reporting that Larry Jordan is presumed to have been killed in action, 11/20/1973. Larry Michael Jordan Collection, Veterans History Project, AFC2001/001/36001.

VHP has numerous examples of these official notifications in our collections. During the Vietnam War, Lieutenant Commander Larry Michael Jordan‘s wife received this telegram notifying her that her husband was presumed to be killed in action. It was sent to her nearly six years after a previous telegram had declared him missing in action. One intriguing telegram in Technical Sergeant Aben Caplan‘s collection is an official notification with an embedded personal message from Caplan, then a prisoner of war in Germany. In it, Caplan sends his greetings to his “precious twosome,” his standard name for his wife and son. Chief Petty Officer Auborn Jerome McFarland, Jr.‘s collection includes copies of telegrams sent to his parents in December 1941, stating that he was killed in action during the attack on Pearl Harbor while serving aboard the USS West Virginia, and then four days later, stating that he had in fact survived, and apologizing for the “great unnecessary anxiety.”

In addition to being employed for official purposes by the military, servicemen and women used telegrams to communicate with their families–to wish them happy holidays, to let them know they had returned to the United States, or simply to send their love. While the messages still needed to be concise, these telegrams allowed members of the military to quickly send personalized greetings without the hassle and potential delay involved in mailing a letter. Captain Robert Barnes Ware‘s collection includes telegrams that he sent to his wife on the occasion of both Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day. They stand in stark contrast to the official telegram that Ware’s wife would receive in August 1944, informing her that Ware had been killed in action during the Normandy invasion. In December 1945, on her way home from service with the Army Nurse Corps in the Pacific Theater during World War II, First Lieutenant Sally Hitchock Pullman telegrammed her family: “LEAVING PEARL HARBOR FOR HOME TOMORROW DON’T EXPECT ME FOR CHRISTMAS KEEP THE TREE AND SNOW LOVE SALLY.”

Valentines Greeting Telegram by Western Union. Telegram has color sketch of woman and man in old fashioned attire.
Valentine’s Day telegram, 2/14/1942. Robert Barnes Ware Collection, Veterans History Project, AFC2001/001/41351.

Whether they were official notifications or personalized messages, telegrams played a unique role in how servicemen and women communicated with folks back home. Telegrams were also part of a very specific point in time: use of them as official notification was phased out toward the end of the Vietnam War, and Western Union discontinued offering them altogether in 2006. Though their format may not have allowed for the length or flowery language that often characterized wartime correspondence, during their heyday, they still delivered relief, solace, or heartache to their recipients.

Have you ever received a telegram? Tell us about it in the comments below!


Comments (24)

    • Yes, that is an intriguing detail, Kim–thanks for pointing it out. Unfortunately, the rest of the collection materials do not provide a conclusive answer to this question. Situations such as this are why we ask donors to provide as many details as possible when submitting materials to us, in order to fill in gaps that might exist in the written or oral record.

  1. I don’t know if it’s possible I’m trying to find a western union letter notice from the navy that a friend who was killed in vietnam. Is there an arcive for this.

  2. What insurance/cash payment would have been made to the widow of a service member KIA at Anzio in 1945?

    • Thanks for reading and for your question! Without knowing the specifics of an individual’s circumstance (such as a life insurance policy or benefits from a civilian job), it’s hard to give a standard answer. This website provides general info that might be helpful: If you have any additional questions, you can direct them to [email protected]. Thanks again!

  3. I was given an original copy of the telegram sent to my grandparents letting them know my uncle was lost at sea in Pearl Harbor. I have since lost this. Do you know if the Western Union telegrams are archived somewhere and could zI get a copy?

    • Hi Chris, thanks for your comment and for reading. Unfortunately, I’m not an expert on the history of telegrams and thus can’t offer a definitive answer to your question. Given the sheer volume of telegrams sent during WWII and during the 20th century, and my understanding of how a telegram was constructed, I would be surprised if copies of telegrams were kept and archived by Western Union. It looks like the company’s records are archived at the Smithsonian; here is a link to the collection finding aid: Perhaps the archivists there can assist? Best of luck in your search for information!

  4. I was given an original copy of the telegram sent to my grandparents letting them know my uncle was lost at sea in Pearl Harbor. I have since lost this. Do you know if the Western Union telegrams are archived somewhere and could I get a copy?

  5. The image I have of a wife or parents learning of a loved one’s death is that a couple of soldiers come to a home to deliver the tragic news. Was this the case in WWII or did most parents or spouses receive the news via telegram and letter? Lastly, I wondered if African Americans received the tragic news in the same way as white Americans? Thanks very much for your kind attention.

    • Dear Bruce Fehn, thanks for reading and for your question. As a subject matter specialist for VHP collections, I’m not certain of the answer. A little bit of online digging seems to indicate that prior to Vietnam, telegrams were the official mode for military death notification, and that in-person notifications only happened under extraordinary circumstances. I would guess this to have been the case for all military casualties, regardless of race, but again, I’m not certain. It’s an interesting question, certainly! Thanks again for reading.

  6. How soon after the event might a family know that their son was a prisoner of war in Vietnam?

    • Dear Bill Meissner, thanks for reading the blog and for your question. As a subject matter specialist for VHP collections only, I’m not certain of the answer. Telegrams in VHP collections are more often present in collections pertaining to WWII and Korea, so I’m less familiar with the timing of notifications in the Vietnam era. I’m sorry that I can’t be of greater assistance!

  7. How soon after Pearl Harbor were parents notified that their son was killed? or MIA?

    I’m writing a novel and like to use correct information.
    Thank you.

    • Dear Avis Rector, thanks so much for reading and for your blog comment, not to mention your dedication to historical accuracy! Unfortunately I’m not certain of the answer. As a subject matter specialist for the Veterans History Project, I can only speak to what I’ve seen in our collections, which is that the timing of official notifications of a change in status (that a veteran had been killed, wounded, taken prisoner, or was missing in action) varied widely during WWII. A telegram carrying this news could take weeks, months, or years. I suspect this is true in the case of Pearl Harbor deaths, depending on the circumstances. I hope this helps!

  8. My family has a telegram sent by the Army to advise the family that my uncle was a prisoner of war in World War 2. Does this have an monetary value?

  9. My grandmother worked for Western Union in NY during WWII. She received the telegrams that came from the war office and sent them over to the war office in NY. She eventually worked in that office. She had told me how awful it was for her to sometimes get a telegram to a family that she knew. People knew each other back then…
    She had to keep it confidential and “just cried a lot” she said. She did get the news from the telegrams from VE Day and VJ Day. Also had to keep confidential. Imagine having to hold in that excitement! She did tell my mother about the VJ Day telegram because it was my mother’s 13th birthday. August 14th 1945. The official day before. My mom had to keep that a secret as well. I watched Saving Private Ryan and watched the ladies in the telegram office were working, and pictured my grandmother there and just cried. Grandmom was amazing and I will never forget her.

  10. For a U.S. Army soldier MIA since 8-8-1968 in Vietnam, when the helicopter he was in was shot down by enemy fire north of the demilitarized zone, please tell me:
    1. From whom would the Western Union Telegram have come (individual person and return address)?
    2. Addressed to whom?
    3. What would the telegram actually have said?
    4. Do you have a similar telegram in your archive?

  11. My father, James Keeffe Jr, was a WWII B24 pilot who was shoot down and became a POW. I have all the war dept telegrams and letters addressed and sent to his mother; MIA, POW, Returned to Military Control, etc. My question is, why would the correspondence be addressed to his mother and not his father, or both? His patents were together at the same addressed, so I’m curious why his mother only. It seemed that some of his crewmen’s mothers were sent the correspondence, also.

  12. I’m researching a US Marine who was killed in action at The Battle of Belleau Wood on June 6, 1918. The family posted the telegram they received of their tragic news in a local newspaper. The telegram is dated 08/12/1918 from George Barnett, Major General Commanding. Could you offer me some possible reasons why it took two months to inform the family of the death of their son?

  13. I just want to clarify that the newspaper article that I mentioned above is dated: 08/13/1918

  14. Hi. I’m doing some research for a film. If a notification of death was done in person during the Korean War, who would show up at the widow’s house, what rank and uniform? What hat would they wear? Would this be the “pink and greens” with the brim hat? Would they take off the hat before she opens the door?

  15. Hi. I’m doing some research for a film. If a notification of death was done in person during the Korean War, who would show up at the widow’s house, what rank and uniform? What hat would they wear? Would this be the “pink and greens” with the brim hat? Would they take off the hat before she opens the door?

  16. Trying to get a copy of telegram sent to my father in 1968 .of missing in action

  17. The date, the Name of the ship and area of Pacific this person was when killed in action in 1945

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